Renewed Spirit

With a new year, always, I have a renewed spirit. It is one that evokes visions of a new start. I imagine new clothes, clean closets, spotless floors, a sanctuary in my home I can never quite achieve.

I can feel the need to stretch, to breathe deeply, to sit in the sunshine and day dream. Always it is fleeting. The thoughts, the feelings, the desires and the dreams, eventually flutter off like a butterfly seeking the next beautiful flower to grace it's presence with. This year, I have the almost indescribable need to find a way to make that feeling stay.

Keeping that renewed spirit and visions of all things good and new, seems almost essential to my survival, my want to be happy, my ability to dream. I want to be open to all the possibilities life has to offer. I will do great things, I will learn, I will teach, I will love with my whole heart, I will grow. Most of all, I will dream and I will work hard.

I walk past my bedroom, and dining room, many times a day, and when the sun is shining through the windows, always, I pause. My sunlit bed, and often the cats, beckon me to come and drink up all the sun has to offer.  It calls to drink up the heat, the strength, the energy, love and power it has to give me. Sometimes, I give in. I flop myself on the bed, run my hand along the soft fur of any one of my three cats. I listen to their breath, their purr, feel the rise and fall of their tummy, and I succumb. I succumb to either my thoughts, my daydreams, and sometimes to a nap!

Angel

                                                                             Harvey

Sammy

Today I chose my dining room! The sun shines in my window (oh how I wish I could have clean windows in the winter), and I sip my tea. I flip through a scrapbook magazine, I dream of pages I will create, pictures I will take, friends I will scrapbook with. I am looking at my banana leaf covered book that I intend to use as my book of inspiration and I think of how I will fill those pages. Then I pick up my pen to write. Inspiration comes in many forms, often for me, it comes as the sunshine points it's rays onto my face, and when I close my eyes, the specks of sunlight glitter through my eyelids.

                                                                         

One of my new favorite Starbucks cups

So here I am, today is the first day of my new blog. As I sit and reflect on the previous year, I can do what we all do so much of....I can beat myself up about all the things I didn't accomplish, all the things I wanted to do and hoped to achieve but have not yet. But I choose to think of only where I am going, what I want to do next and consider the baby steps, and smaller goals I am willing to make. Oh yes my mind sure does jump into fast forward and overwhelm me, but I am putting the brakes on that one! I got myself a new set of brakes this year that are shiny, more determined and more aggressive than ever before. They are going to be my new best friend in a world that taunts us to want what everyone else has, set unrealistic goals, and lead an unhappy lifestyle! Don't get me wrong, I am the queen of goals, the princess of list making and my mind is the ruler of all things catastrophic, fraught with anxiety.

It has been over a year since I quit my full time job to gain a better perspective on my life. I gave up something I once loved, to be home with my daughter who has a learning disability, to achieve balance in my life, to be present in my marriage and to be completely happy. This of course, is where my typing slows down, as I realize this is the part where reality hits me full force and those shiny new brakes I acquired are screeching now. I need to let up on them and ride it out.......

This will be my journey, my groundwork, where I measure how far I have come, where I am going, and the success I will capture as I learn more about my daughter and her learning disability, share my joy of writing, and practice sharing myself with others. It will be a creative challenge for me, but I am up for it!

I hope you will take this journey with me, and grow as I grow, inspire each other with me, and feel connected! For me, this is like opening a brand new journal, feeling the excitement of writing on that first brand new page. I guess my first page is now filled, thank you for sharing it with me!

                                  

Tannis